just before they went to bed.
I got a gander of THIS beauty courtesy of Pandagon. Because this poor, put-upon boy just can't be bothered with perfection that isn't real. Those aerodynamic, inflatable breasts must be natural ladies! Heaven forbid that you make him contemplate operating tables, scalpals and uncomfortable presentiments of sympathy.
The nose must also be perfect, virginal and never broken by a plastic surgeon in the quest for it to be smaller.
While we're on the subject your clear, dewy skin must be effortless and not the result of a dermatologist/esthetician extracting your pimples. This man has values! They must be protected! If he demands gorgeous, then it has to be REAL gorgeous (everyday hags need not apply).
And real gorgeous states that her boobs are horrible just before he touches them. Which makes him feel manly because she has just ceded all her rights to good self esteem to him. Why can't I find a man like this? He is a real keeper.
At the end of the article, being the actor that he is, he practically listed his whole CV. And what did my wondering eyes see?
Law & Order. CSI.
I fucking hate Law & Order. Life is too short to watch lawyers circle jerk wanking over how important they are in this world.
I also hate CSI. I hate CSI in the morning, at night, and even at noon. I don't like CSI in Miami, LA, Chicago, NY or any little town USA. I never watched Hill Street Blues, or the ridiculous plethora of shows it spawned in it's wake. So many cops existential about their angst. Sensitive souls. They cry tears of blood for us little folk, I tell you.
When they aren't happily tasering us on some street corner.
On the flip side I never watched the Sopranos. I hated the Sopranos. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony and his special track suit of the week. I don't like shows about gangsters and I don't like movies about them either. The Godfather was so fucking boring it made me contemplate suicide to escape it. Right now, I have the barest patience for any of Scorsese's gang films. So many gangsters wrestling with their feelings. Boo hoo, you poor gangster you, you have to stab a friend (lover or relative) in the back. Why is life sooooooo hard and cruel?
Don't get me started on FBI.
The subjects of Prohibition, Capone and Ness really annoy me as well. The Untouchables made me want to be the character who suffers from Tourette's Syndrome and runs through the goody-goody Ness home screaming really nasty curse words. Ah, I feel a warmth in my heart just thinking about it.
Yes, this ranty mcrant felt good.
I'm still waiting for the shows about the real heroes of this great country of ours. We need more shows about the U.S. Postal worker. Their selfless service makes the jobs of the Lawyer, Cop and Gangster possible. They also pack bigger guns too.
So come on, hack writers, spin some baloney about the people that won't be stopped by snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night.Labels: movies, rant, sexism, television
